Category Archives: Opinion

For the next Bond film…

Forget cat-stroking baldies and other boring moguls of that ilk. The next Bond film should have an entirely new concept for The Bad Guy and here it is:

blofeld_5403When Google was still the New Thing, I remember thinking that the Larry Page and Sergey Brin duo would provide a perfect modern twist to that perennial favourite, the Bond film villain. I mean, they looked (and still do look) so normal, so guy-next-door, so wholesome, so the-lad’s-done-good, that they were bound to be profoundly evil and their honest faces a mere façade. Obviously, they were out to control the world (and who in their right minds would correct me on that?) for their very own, shockingly nefarious purposes vengefully focused on the person of Bond (so just to be very clear, that last bit is the basic plot line for the film, this post is NOT about the politics of privacy issues, the morality of domain names and the like for real, OK?)
Amazingly, nobody has yet turned this no-brainer of an idea into a film. So I’ve made a few improvements to the concept. Why stop at a duo? I mean, surely if only one of the organisations ruling our modern world were represented, that would be downright discriminatory. I therefore suggest widening the villain circle to say, five baddies, all white, all male, all masters of technology and all based in the US. And in a mistress stroke of gender reversal, the brains behind it all is actually a screen-breakingly ugly woman or a drop-dead gorgeous one – that needs fine tuning and will ultimately be down to the casting budget, Hollywood being what it is. The point is, she’s female. So each of the five men is allocated a continent in which to wreak havoc, a former love interest of Bond’s to persecute in the vilest manner possible and a pedigree cat.